Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Nurse, Mom, Maid, Wife....

So this may turn into a vent session but I decided to write it anyway.  I have had the longest week ever. I feel like I was at work more than I was at home.  It is increasingly difficult to sleep during the day when all the kids are home.  They went back to school today though so that helped tremendously.  Yesterday I got home from work at 7:30 am and decided I was absolutely sick and tired of living in a messy house.  I did dishes, folded 5 or 6 loads of laundry out of baskets that were left to pile up, washed and dried 2 more, swept floors, took out the garbage, and scrubbed the bathroom.  I don't think it's fair that I should be expected to do it all but I can't go to sleep comfortably if it's a mess either.I often feel as though these things are ignored until I get so sick of it I do it myself.  For having 2 adults in the house I can't be the only one to notice the mountain of laundry, dirty dishes all over or the dirty toilet in the bathroom. I definitely think we need to figure out some kind of routine for keeping this house clean instead of just waiting until I can't stand it anymore and have to do it myself.  No one seems to want to help unless I have an absolute fit about it.  While Darrel is beginning his woodworking business it really in my opinion should come second after being a stay home dad and taking care of the regular house hold duties. I don't really want to complain and start a fight and I don't know how to approach him to ask for help because he thinks I don't appreciate the things he does do.  I am sure we will work this all out, there is always an adjustment period with change.
Tomorrow I begin my 3 day class that is to help review for the RN state board exam.  I am so over going back to NICC for 3 full days and I really don't want to go!!!!  I will though because I paid for it.  I just want to be finished with all of the hoop jumping, take my boards and have my license already!  This has been a terribly long road and I honestly ready to just be done with it.  I have paperwork to do for that too and with the cost of the test I guess I had better set some money aside for that too.  I am glad I have been getting some work hours lately to pay for it!  
Work is going well.  Each shift I work I get a little more comfortable with the job and a little more confident in my skills.  I am finding that there is a CNA that wants to butt heads with me.  I just have to stay calm and keep the peace.  The thing I am afraid of the most is having to actually call a doctor in the middle of the night. I don't know why I am so afraid of getting chewed out.  I am not really confident enough to know when to call and when not to call yet and I am sure I would be the one to call when it isn't necessary or I don't have my ducks in a row so to speak.  I learned in school how to take tests and how to perform skills with someone  watching me over my shoulder. Now I am allowed to work without someone watching over me... In some ways it feels unreal.  I have a nursing license, so legally I am qualified to do the job I am doing.  It feels weird though, I ask myself, "is this really ok for me to do?" all the time.  I am so afraid of making a mistake or not documenting properly.  I hope that in time I get a little calmer and can get through a shift without all of the nervousness.  I come home from work and lay awake thinking about every thing I did throughout the shift and wonder what I missed.  I wake from a dead sleep and firmly believe that I ignored a patient for an entire shift, total bad dream, but what an awful feeling!  
The children threw me for a loop tonight.  Well, I should say Michael threw me for a loop.  The school bus came and dropped off Laynee at around 4pm per usual except Micheal wasn't on it!  I panicked.  I had no idea where my child was and I felt the anxiety rising in my throat.  I got on the phone and called the school and no one answered in the office.  I called the YMCA and was told he wasn't there.  I called the lady that runs the after school program and finally found him.  He thought he was to stay because he thought Laynee had basketball practice today so there was a big miscommunication.  Turns out Laynee was supposed to have practice today but we were unaware as we have no practice calendar for January.  I imagine the coaches expect me to be psychic or something.  So I drove into town and picked up my son who was safe and sound and with all the children in the house again I can relax a little...except for the growing pile of dishes again in the kitchen.  I guess it's time to get busy, UGH!

1 comment:

  1. I can relate, but then again totally cannot. Definitely can relate to chores, cleaning, etc. over the years Bill and I have finally gotten to where we have a system of sorts. Honestly, no matter what tho, I do a majority of the work. I'm home most often, regardless of my work schedule. I'm happy/thankful that he does the laundry (I hate our creepy, serial-killer basement) and will help with sweeping and litter box duties when he is home. Downside is with tasks I do the most, when he helps out, I go though the whole 'God, I do a better job than that! I should've done it myself!'
    I can also relate to difficulties talking to my spouse-it's hard because like you said about them feeling a lack of appreciation. It's hard because appreciation that is one-sided can be equally frustrating. Hard to ooh and ahh when you do not feel like they even notice sometimes. :(
    I'm glad everyone is home and Michael was alright!
    Even if it comes to the day where you have to make a midnight call to a doc and they yell at you...you will still be a good nurse. A good nurse (imo) is based on many, many factors. I'm not sure I'd ever be fully confident in that profession...you could never learn everything...and there are always exceptions to the rule. Just keep doing the very best you can and you will continue to be great :)