Tomorrow I begin my 3 day class that is to help review for the RN state board exam. I am so over going back to NICC for 3 full days and I really don't want to go!!!! I will though because I paid for it. I just want to be finished with all of the hoop jumping, take my boards and have my license already! This has been a terribly long road and I honestly ready to just be done with it. I have paperwork to do for that too and with the cost of the test I guess I had better set some money aside for that too. I am glad I have been getting some work hours lately to pay for it!
Work is going well. Each shift I work I get a little more comfortable with the job and a little more confident in my skills. I am finding that there is a CNA that wants to butt heads with me. I just have to stay calm and keep the peace. The thing I am afraid of the most is having to actually call a doctor in the middle of the night. I don't know why I am so afraid of getting chewed out. I am not really confident enough to know when to call and when not to call yet and I am sure I would be the one to call when it isn't necessary or I don't have my ducks in a row so to speak. I learned in school how to take tests and how to perform skills with someone watching me over my shoulder. Now I am allowed to work without someone watching over me... In some ways it feels unreal. I have a nursing license, so legally I am qualified to do the job I am doing. It feels weird though, I ask myself, "is this really ok for me to do?" all the time. I am so afraid of making a mistake or not documenting properly. I hope that in time I get a little calmer and can get through a shift without all of the nervousness. I come home from work and lay awake thinking about every thing I did throughout the shift and wonder what I missed. I wake from a dead sleep and firmly believe that I ignored a patient for an entire shift, total bad dream, but what an awful feeling!
The children threw me for a loop tonight. Well, I should say Michael threw me for a loop. The school bus came and dropped off Laynee at around 4pm per usual except Micheal wasn't on it! I panicked. I had no idea where my child was and I felt the anxiety rising in my throat. I got on the phone and called the school and no one answered in the office. I called the YMCA and was told he wasn't there. I called the lady that runs the after school program and finally found him. He thought he was to stay because he thought Laynee had basketball practice today so there was a big miscommunication. Turns out Laynee was supposed to have practice today but we were unaware as we have no practice calendar for January. I imagine the coaches expect me to be psychic or something. So I drove into town and picked up my son who was safe and sound and with all the children in the house again I can relax a little...except for the growing pile of dishes again in the kitchen. I guess it's time to get busy, UGH!